While I was pregnant, many people offered their opinion about what is the hardest transition. Most people said that going from one to two kids was the hardest. I don't agree. For me, going from one to two and two to three kids were easy in comparison to starting a family.
Having one kid is hard.
And, if you're like me, who had never really been around a baby before, you just don't know what to do with the new little person. And my first was fussy. I never actually was able to soothe Penelope. Tim did the hard work on those late nights. I just didn't get her.
But, the hardest part of having your first is the total loss of independence. This was the real kicker. The lovely, little baby is dependent on you for everything. I was the only one who could feed her. I had to figure out why she was crying. I had to race through the grocery store before she would freak out.
Just a few weeks before this I could leisurely sip coffee at a coffee shop, eat dinner, and easily go on dates with my husband. No more.
But here's the deal: this major thing—the loss of independence—only happens once. So when #2 comes along, that gigantic adjustment has already happened. In my case, I also became a little more natural at being a mom.
With your first, you have some big demands: make sure your child is fed, make sure she naps, make sure your baby is at least in the 50 percentile in height and weight, and make sure she seems more intelligent than her baby friends.
With your second, you have already given up your independence, and you can go ahead feeding and bathing the baby along with the first one. You give up your need to have an above-average baby because you realize those things don't really matter.
I don't want to dismiss the difficulty of two or more: you can't sleep when the baby sleeps. You still have to keep your toddler alive. And, in my case, I have to keep the big kids from killing the baby. (They have recently thought it's a good idea to use Dailia as a hurdle to practice their jumping skills.)
But, with three, something really special happens: kids one and two entertain each other while you breastfeed, soothe the baby, or do laundry. You don't feel pulled in all sorts of directions.
I don't want this to make it seem like having three kids is easy or that I have it all together. I've had to change the way I do things quite a bit over the last three months. I used to fill up my weeks with play dates, story times, and splash parks. Now, leaving the house makes me an insane and very unpleasant mom, so I try really hard to stay home. I really like being out and about, but I just can't do that right now.
Dailia also gets to cry more, and that's ok. Her needs are really basic—she needs to eat, sleep, be changed. But letting her cry for a few minutes while I get the big kids lunch isn't going to kill her.
Something else magical happened with Dailia's birth: my heart grew wider. Before her birth, I wasn't afraid that I wouldn't love her, but I have been surprised by how much I love her. And since this is my third time with a baby, I understand more than ever that this time is short. The first year is hard, but the baby changes so fast. I've enjoyed her snuggles, her coos, her smiles, and her wiggles more than the first two. I've even grieved the fact that she's not a new born anymore.
So, the adjustment to having three kids has gone well so far. And we're reaping some great returns.
*The thoughts of this blog are only a reflection of me, and may not be true of everyone.
**Dailia is a very easy baby. She sleeps well, eats well, and stays pretty content in between. If your third baby was fussy you probably hate me right now.
